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Rachel Jackson: What's Her Deal? (A Bio...of sorts.)

Deep in the forests of the misty mountains in Maine, many moons ago, Rachel Grant Jackson, slept blissfully, dreaming of chewy pink bubble gum and Vanilla Charleston Chews in her bunk bed at camp.

She was startled awake by a strange little forest troll jumping up and down on her head. Her first reaction was to scream in terror, but before she could, he introduced himself as "Cupcake." Now we all know Rachel has a thing for cupcakes, and although this little creature was as ugly as a beakless bird with severe halitosis, she suddenly found him cute.

He stood on her chin and proclaimed, "Greetings and Salivations! I am sent from his Hairy Highness King Calamity! I have a message for you of great importance...you must...stop it!"

Rachel was busy poking him in his little beer belly, giggling. She frowned and stopped.

Cupcake continued, "You have been selected for a great mission! If you accept this challenge, the world, as we know it, will have a fighting chance to be a happy place where people will laugh and will find happiness in every nook and cranny. If you do not accept, the world will slowly sputter and whimper into a dark, evil, morbid, tragic, devastating glob of gook."

Rachel sat up suddenly and listened more intently as Cupcake carried-on, "Your mission is to present your powerful emotions to the world to tell stories that will move people to find their own emotions and that will move people to action!"

Now Rachel, truth be told, was a fine actress, having starred in several productions. So she naturally responded confidently, "Oh! I can do that!"

Cupcake looked at her judgingly and challenged her, "Really? You mean you have no problem creating vibrant, beautiful, quirky, and timeless characters? You have no qualms about tearing out your beating heart on stage and exposing it to the world? You would not think twice before showing your most private feelings to complete strangers offering them your soul for their judgment?"

Rachel was rendered speechless.

Cupcake responded, "I thought so."

Rachel argued, "I want to accept this mission. The world needs it."

Cupcake turned around and perked up, "In that case, you must spend the next decade training yourself, preparing your mind, soul, and body for the task of changing the world which will involve years of theater training, voice work, movement, character research, and soul searching. Do you accept?"

Rachel nodded her head eagerly. She absolutely loved acting and never realized she could do it for her life!

Cupcake smiled and said, "Well then. That wasn't as hard as I thought. Sweet dreams princess."

With that, he farted and disappeared. Rachel was left alone in her bunk bed wondering at what she had just committed to and how such an awful smell could come from such a little body.

The next morning, Rachel rose from her bed with a new purpose in life. Over her Captain Crunch with strawberry milk, she announced to her camp friends, "I'm going to improve the world through my acting!"

Some of her friends laughed at her. But she knew her mission was too important to let it be thwarted by people who doubted and by people who feared pursuing their own dreams. Rachel followed Cupcake's advice and spent years honing her skills. She traveled the country to study at Northwestern University, at Columbia University, and at the William Esper Studio.

Along the way as if by magic characters popped up that seemed to have been hiding deep in her body. There was Gwinevere, the lovable loser assistant who can't seem to get anything right and Scarlett, the inbred hick, who eats raw fish and carves wood with her teeth and let's not forget Linda, the crazy prostitute with the high-pitched voice and the tick.

These characters and many others joined her for her long arduous important mission. Audiences loved them. As the days passed, she created more and more, until she had a veritable army of characters she could use on stage. Rachel knew that using her characters to make people laugh on the outside and think on the inside was the best way for her to succeed.

But she found that she had hit a wall. There were only so many people she could inspire, motivate, and entertain on stage. She began to feel hopeless with her task and the world was not getting any better.

Then one night as Rachel was putting on make-up backstage, she smelled something quite foul. She looked around. "Cupcake?" she whispered to herself.

Cupcake was caught in one of her wigs struggling to break free and farting uncontrollably with the effort. She untangled him and put him on her make-up counter. Cupcake said "Thank you, my dear sweet buttercup. I have watched you for the last decade and feel that you are now ready for the next step. It is a big one, and far more difficult than what you've already don but I think you can do it."

Rachel needed no convincing and said, "Anything, I'll do anything to save the world!"

Cupcake twirled an eyeliner pencil like a baton as he talked, "Okay then! There is a magic carpet awaiting your presence. It will take you and all of your belongings to a land where angels dance around a city filled with stars that shine even in the daytime. You must join these stars and shine brighter than ever so that you can reach every single person on the planet with your talent."

Rachel loved New York, but her passion was too strong to keep her. She declared, "After tonight's performance! I will go on this journey."

Cupcake smiled and then the eyeliner pencil he'd been twirling hit him in the head and knocked him off the table and onto the ground where he landed with a fart.

After the show, Rachel made the journey to the City of Angels and quickly found several noble places of study like the BHP and another glorious outpost called The Groundlings where one learns to make people laugh. She continued to act in plays and after a while a few things started to pop. She made a film and then another and then another and then another and then the most glorious moment of all was when she worked on a TV show. Millions of people watching!

The trolls and fairies in the magical kingdom danced and celebrated far into the night but they all knew bigger and better celebrations were just around the corner.

Cupcake has said there will be far bigger performances to celebrate. And when has he ever been wrong?


All contents copyright Rachel Jackson
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